Prologue
I’ve known James for most of my life. He just showed up one day in the third grade. He sat quietly in the back of the room in tattered clothes that first day, speaking to no one and stuttering when the teacher would address him. Being so shy, James was picked on; for some reason I felt the need to defend him.
That first day he opened up to me a little. He told me I didn’t have to defend him he was used to being picked on in his old home. Of course that just led to me asking about his ‘old home’ to which James replied this: “Yea, see these people came home and took me from Mommy and Daddy. I was with the people for a while; then they gave me to a new Mommy and Daddy.”
I know I understand now about what James was trying to say. At that young age he went through the system. He doesn’t remember much about his birth parents, but he has good adoptive parents so he doesn’t really mind. Strangely James is one of the few who isn’t bothered by being a foster child.
Growing up with James, he wasn’t a very active or out-going boy. His adoptive parents worried about that and sent him to a therapist when he was young. They suggested that he try a musical instrument to express himself, so his parents put him in guitar classes. I guess that might be the reason I’m with him now. Our sophomore year James told me he wrote a song and wanted me to hear it.
I came over to his house that day and James was just blushing as he sat with his guitar on his lap, his right hand at the frets, and then he started singing to me.
The song he sang was about love. It was filled with passion and seemed so perfectly from the heart in a way that you just don’t see from most people. I was touched by the song, but it hurt me as well. I heard him proclaim his love and in hearing it I was devastated that he could be in love with someone and this was the first I was hearing of it. All in all it almost made me mad. “So who is she?” I all but sneered toward him, after a few minutes of silence when he finished.
James stayed quiet, still blushing, on his bed before he softly answered me. “There is no she, Devin. I wrote the song for you. I just didn’t know how to say it. Don’t be mad at me ok.” His voice was so soft, and I know that he really was afraid that I would get mad at him. I’d never told him I liked him before that; I didn’t even tell him I liked boys. I guess at that point I was a bit afraid myself. I told James I needed time to think and just went straight home from there.
I thought about how I took the time to look at James. How I would look into his blue eyes and just feel mesmerized at the way he adoringly looks at me. The way I would absently think of running my hands through his blonde hair, knowing how soft and silky it is. I really did like James; I liked him in more than just a friendly way. I liked all of him really. I just didn’t know what to say or how to react. I had known for a while that I didn’t like girls; I was just afraid of telling, of actually coming out, especially to my parents. It just didn’t seem so easy to just walk up to my mom and dad and say, “I’m gay”.
Still I was able to tell James that I do like him, and I’m glad I did. We’ve been happily dating for the past three years. Now comes the part where I explain what’s really going on. See James and I have been accepted to the same college. We don’t exactly plan on moving in together, or at least we don’t plan on living alone together. We plan on pledging to ГАΨ, one of the fraternities on campus.
Let’s just say that this frat house is kinda well known for its reputation. Gamma Alpha Psi is a well-known gay fraternity. I mean all of the members are gay. I’m not saying it’s some sort of huge gay orgy or anything, not that I haven’t heard stories about that though. The truth, I’ve heard from alumni of the frat, is that the house doesn’t try to interfere with relationships. Still James and I want to pledge there, for ourselves.
We aren’t really the most outspoken gay couple. I mean yes our friends and parents know, but we still don’t go around holding hands or kissing in public. We don’t live in a very big town and it’s not a very open community, so in a way we’re hoping that being at the fraternity will help us. It will be a better place for us to be ourselves.
That first day he opened up to me a little. He told me I didn’t have to defend him he was used to being picked on in his old home. Of course that just led to me asking about his ‘old home’ to which James replied this: “Yea, see these people came home and took me from Mommy and Daddy. I was with the people for a while; then they gave me to a new Mommy and Daddy.”
I know I understand now about what James was trying to say. At that young age he went through the system. He doesn’t remember much about his birth parents, but he has good adoptive parents so he doesn’t really mind. Strangely James is one of the few who isn’t bothered by being a foster child.
Growing up with James, he wasn’t a very active or out-going boy. His adoptive parents worried about that and sent him to a therapist when he was young. They suggested that he try a musical instrument to express himself, so his parents put him in guitar classes. I guess that might be the reason I’m with him now. Our sophomore year James told me he wrote a song and wanted me to hear it.
I came over to his house that day and James was just blushing as he sat with his guitar on his lap, his right hand at the frets, and then he started singing to me.
The song he sang was about love. It was filled with passion and seemed so perfectly from the heart in a way that you just don’t see from most people. I was touched by the song, but it hurt me as well. I heard him proclaim his love and in hearing it I was devastated that he could be in love with someone and this was the first I was hearing of it. All in all it almost made me mad. “So who is she?” I all but sneered toward him, after a few minutes of silence when he finished.
James stayed quiet, still blushing, on his bed before he softly answered me. “There is no she, Devin. I wrote the song for you. I just didn’t know how to say it. Don’t be mad at me ok.” His voice was so soft, and I know that he really was afraid that I would get mad at him. I’d never told him I liked him before that; I didn’t even tell him I liked boys. I guess at that point I was a bit afraid myself. I told James I needed time to think and just went straight home from there.
I thought about how I took the time to look at James. How I would look into his blue eyes and just feel mesmerized at the way he adoringly looks at me. The way I would absently think of running my hands through his blonde hair, knowing how soft and silky it is. I really did like James; I liked him in more than just a friendly way. I liked all of him really. I just didn’t know what to say or how to react. I had known for a while that I didn’t like girls; I was just afraid of telling, of actually coming out, especially to my parents. It just didn’t seem so easy to just walk up to my mom and dad and say, “I’m gay”.
Still I was able to tell James that I do like him, and I’m glad I did. We’ve been happily dating for the past three years. Now comes the part where I explain what’s really going on. See James and I have been accepted to the same college. We don’t exactly plan on moving in together, or at least we don’t plan on living alone together. We plan on pledging to ГАΨ, one of the fraternities on campus.
Let’s just say that this frat house is kinda well known for its reputation. Gamma Alpha Psi is a well-known gay fraternity. I mean all of the members are gay. I’m not saying it’s some sort of huge gay orgy or anything, not that I haven’t heard stories about that though. The truth, I’ve heard from alumni of the frat, is that the house doesn’t try to interfere with relationships. Still James and I want to pledge there, for ourselves.
We aren’t really the most outspoken gay couple. I mean yes our friends and parents know, but we still don’t go around holding hands or kissing in public. We don’t live in a very big town and it’s not a very open community, so in a way we’re hoping that being at the fraternity will help us. It will be a better place for us to be ourselves.