Chapter 15
Strangely enough I am to find that being exclusive, even after all the bad experiences I have had, isn’t that hard. Jesse’s relationship with Isaac certainly does make it easier though, seeing as I don’t have to worry about him pining after me. That and I make sure that I steer clear from clubs directing my attention towards Ito instead.
Speaking of Jesse and Isaac they are still happily together and have been dating for almost four months. The same is true for Ito and myself. While Jess and Isaac are very open about their relationship it is a little hard to do the same while dating the teacher. Still all of my friends now know that I’m gay and surprisingly that news along with Jess and Isaac’s relationship has pretty much gone unnoticed. Luckily no one cares.
My mom still won’t talk to me; I haven’t received a single word from her since the last telephone call while I was in the mental ward. My cell phone remains off since she canceled my service and I haven’t bothered to turn it back on for lack of money. I haven’t bothered telling any of my friends other than Jesse of my mother’s abandonment of me because that only leads to questions about where I live now.
Regardless of falling behind with schoolwork due to my extended absence I have managed to catch up and stay on track for graduation. Speaking of which, being early June I am to graduate later tonight. With Ito’s help I even managed to get my grades up enough to get a scholarship to UCLA and the both of us are planning to move there. Ito has taken a job at a nearby high school and because we won’t be teacher and student any longer we will be able to actually have a relationship.
At first there was a problem with Ito moving because of his son. Then after I talked to him about it though, he decided to get full custody of Mikhail seeing as Natalie tends to drop him off frequently enough anyhow. She didn’t even complain too much when Ito told her, so now Mikhail has been living with just Ito for the past two months. He has even started to call me his uncle and Ito doesn’t bother to correct him because that can wait until he’s older.
All of my tickets to graduation have gone wasted. I couldn’t get a hold of my mother even if I tried. She has changed her number and I’ve grown tired of her avoidance so I won’t bother to visit my old house. Ito doesn’t need a ticket being that he is a teacher and it isn’t as if I have anyone else to invite. Still I am happy just to know that Ito will be there in the stands as my name is announced.
Since I have been living with Ito I have had to get a job to help out even though Ito tried to insist that I didn’t have to. I work nights at a local restaurant and even with the wages I didn’t go on senior trip or to prom. Not that I wanted to go to prom when I obviously can’t bring my boyfriend. It still feels weird saying that word.
Jesse and the rest of my friends have taken to calling my boyfriend imaginary seeing as Jess is the only one that has met him. I encourage it because it helps to make them think of things other than the way I stare moonstruck at our teacher. I tell them that my boyfriend is a college student and that helps to give reason to his mysterious lack of appearing around them.
My relationship with Ito has been going so well that I almost wish I could tell my friends. He and I have gone on few dates to very remote locations, some of which required usage of my fake id. Still I don’t mind it being that I get so much enjoyment just from being around the Asian. I still have problems telling him how much I care especially when it comes to three certain words. Ito has said those words to me just once and I couldn’t say them back.
While the sexual portion of our relationship is at a very healthy level I find the actual relationship part infinitely harder. I try my best to be caring towards Ito but I know there is a part of me that is afraid to let him in scared to be hurt. I don’t doubt his feelings it is just a little hard to feel that I deserve them.
I slide on my jacket thinking how much nicer it would be to have my own clothes to wear on this night. The weight that I have lost is the only reason I can fit into Ito’s biggest suit. Still it hangs a few inches short on my taller frame. I feel strange in his clothes graduating on stage knowing my own family won’t even be there. It feels like I’m someone else, someone I might like better than the person I was before.
So the time comes and along with about thirty of my fellow seniors none of which I know being that we are in rooms by our last names. Still I line up, my gown covering my ill-fitting suit and my cap covering my hair, right behind a girl that I don’t know and I straighten my tie one last time.
As I walk into the football stadium my eyes catch a few glimpses of people I know. I see Jesse ahead of me in line, I see Ito and Mikhail in the stands. I know that it isn’t that smart for the young boy to be here but Ito didn’t have a choice and has sworn the young boy to secrecy. My line walks into the seating and we stay standing as others do the same. At one word from the principal on stage we all take our seat.
The principal goes on about being proud or something and I tune it out my mind still on other things. My eyes stay focused on a little black haired man in the crowd who is no doubt watching me. Then the time comes and we all stand back up the audience as well to sing the both the national anthem and the school anthem, neither of which I really know the words to. The students stay standing and most of the audience sits back down except for a few over excited participants that cheer as the first person approaches the stage to receive their diploma.
I watch as most of my friends get their diplomas before I do and then I take a step up on the stage to do the same. I smile as my name is said and I hear Ito and Mikhail cheer slightly louder than the rest who merely politely clap, but I also hear Jesse and Isaac sounding off catcalls and getting glares from the nearby supervisors. I grin and step off of the stage becoming part of the crowd again until the last name is said. The entire senior class moves to the actual football field and all at once we throw our caps into the air. Pictures flash and I notice Jess and Isaac kissing instead their caps still firmly on. I grab up a cap not sure if it was my original and slap it on my head before heading over to the happy couple. I slap them both on the back and they part to smile at me despite the glares they receive from some of the parents present.
After a few words and a polite refusal of a party I get in my car and drive back to the place I have come to call my home. Ito opens the door as he sees me approach and pulls me into his arms not caring who can see in the dim light outside. He pulls me inside and I don’t see Mikhail in the room. I move to kiss the Asian deeply and as we pull back from the kiss I smile at him. “I’m so proud of you.” He tells me and it only makes me smile wider.
I kiss him again and this time when we pull away I’m able to tell him the words that have been trying to escape my lips for almost a week. “I love you.” I tell him and I can see the shock on his face at hearing the words from my mouth. He grins widely at me and kisses my lips again deeper than before.
“I love you too.”
Speaking of Jesse and Isaac they are still happily together and have been dating for almost four months. The same is true for Ito and myself. While Jess and Isaac are very open about their relationship it is a little hard to do the same while dating the teacher. Still all of my friends now know that I’m gay and surprisingly that news along with Jess and Isaac’s relationship has pretty much gone unnoticed. Luckily no one cares.
My mom still won’t talk to me; I haven’t received a single word from her since the last telephone call while I was in the mental ward. My cell phone remains off since she canceled my service and I haven’t bothered to turn it back on for lack of money. I haven’t bothered telling any of my friends other than Jesse of my mother’s abandonment of me because that only leads to questions about where I live now.
Regardless of falling behind with schoolwork due to my extended absence I have managed to catch up and stay on track for graduation. Speaking of which, being early June I am to graduate later tonight. With Ito’s help I even managed to get my grades up enough to get a scholarship to UCLA and the both of us are planning to move there. Ito has taken a job at a nearby high school and because we won’t be teacher and student any longer we will be able to actually have a relationship.
At first there was a problem with Ito moving because of his son. Then after I talked to him about it though, he decided to get full custody of Mikhail seeing as Natalie tends to drop him off frequently enough anyhow. She didn’t even complain too much when Ito told her, so now Mikhail has been living with just Ito for the past two months. He has even started to call me his uncle and Ito doesn’t bother to correct him because that can wait until he’s older.
All of my tickets to graduation have gone wasted. I couldn’t get a hold of my mother even if I tried. She has changed her number and I’ve grown tired of her avoidance so I won’t bother to visit my old house. Ito doesn’t need a ticket being that he is a teacher and it isn’t as if I have anyone else to invite. Still I am happy just to know that Ito will be there in the stands as my name is announced.
Since I have been living with Ito I have had to get a job to help out even though Ito tried to insist that I didn’t have to. I work nights at a local restaurant and even with the wages I didn’t go on senior trip or to prom. Not that I wanted to go to prom when I obviously can’t bring my boyfriend. It still feels weird saying that word.
Jesse and the rest of my friends have taken to calling my boyfriend imaginary seeing as Jess is the only one that has met him. I encourage it because it helps to make them think of things other than the way I stare moonstruck at our teacher. I tell them that my boyfriend is a college student and that helps to give reason to his mysterious lack of appearing around them.
My relationship with Ito has been going so well that I almost wish I could tell my friends. He and I have gone on few dates to very remote locations, some of which required usage of my fake id. Still I don’t mind it being that I get so much enjoyment just from being around the Asian. I still have problems telling him how much I care especially when it comes to three certain words. Ito has said those words to me just once and I couldn’t say them back.
While the sexual portion of our relationship is at a very healthy level I find the actual relationship part infinitely harder. I try my best to be caring towards Ito but I know there is a part of me that is afraid to let him in scared to be hurt. I don’t doubt his feelings it is just a little hard to feel that I deserve them.
I slide on my jacket thinking how much nicer it would be to have my own clothes to wear on this night. The weight that I have lost is the only reason I can fit into Ito’s biggest suit. Still it hangs a few inches short on my taller frame. I feel strange in his clothes graduating on stage knowing my own family won’t even be there. It feels like I’m someone else, someone I might like better than the person I was before.
So the time comes and along with about thirty of my fellow seniors none of which I know being that we are in rooms by our last names. Still I line up, my gown covering my ill-fitting suit and my cap covering my hair, right behind a girl that I don’t know and I straighten my tie one last time.
As I walk into the football stadium my eyes catch a few glimpses of people I know. I see Jesse ahead of me in line, I see Ito and Mikhail in the stands. I know that it isn’t that smart for the young boy to be here but Ito didn’t have a choice and has sworn the young boy to secrecy. My line walks into the seating and we stay standing as others do the same. At one word from the principal on stage we all take our seat.
The principal goes on about being proud or something and I tune it out my mind still on other things. My eyes stay focused on a little black haired man in the crowd who is no doubt watching me. Then the time comes and we all stand back up the audience as well to sing the both the national anthem and the school anthem, neither of which I really know the words to. The students stay standing and most of the audience sits back down except for a few over excited participants that cheer as the first person approaches the stage to receive their diploma.
I watch as most of my friends get their diplomas before I do and then I take a step up on the stage to do the same. I smile as my name is said and I hear Ito and Mikhail cheer slightly louder than the rest who merely politely clap, but I also hear Jesse and Isaac sounding off catcalls and getting glares from the nearby supervisors. I grin and step off of the stage becoming part of the crowd again until the last name is said. The entire senior class moves to the actual football field and all at once we throw our caps into the air. Pictures flash and I notice Jess and Isaac kissing instead their caps still firmly on. I grab up a cap not sure if it was my original and slap it on my head before heading over to the happy couple. I slap them both on the back and they part to smile at me despite the glares they receive from some of the parents present.
After a few words and a polite refusal of a party I get in my car and drive back to the place I have come to call my home. Ito opens the door as he sees me approach and pulls me into his arms not caring who can see in the dim light outside. He pulls me inside and I don’t see Mikhail in the room. I move to kiss the Asian deeply and as we pull back from the kiss I smile at him. “I’m so proud of you.” He tells me and it only makes me smile wider.
I kiss him again and this time when we pull away I’m able to tell him the words that have been trying to escape my lips for almost a week. “I love you.” I tell him and I can see the shock on his face at hearing the words from my mouth. He grins widely at me and kisses my lips again deeper than before.
“I love you too.”