Chapter 9
As Ito walks into the room I am glad to see that he isn’t dressed in his school clothes. Still I desperately hope that Jesse was too shocked by hearing the name of Ito to continue listening as the nurse said his last name. Still as Ito sees me and starts to walk over Jesse makes an attempt to stand up and in an act of desperation I grab his wrist and pull him a bit harshly back into his chair. He looks at me confused, but as I slide my hand into his he doesn’t seem as aggravated. It seems to assure him of something but I’m not quite sure what.
Ito sits across the table from Jesse and me and I panic wondering what is going to happen. I stay silent as they look over each other with blunt curiosity. Jesse seems pissed; he very openly glares at Ito and it seems very real to me that he was obsessed with hearing Ito’s name to the point of not hearing his last name. We sit in an awkward silence for a while until Jesse daringly speaks up. “So you’re Ito?” He says stating the obvious and breaking the ice. Ito on the other hand seems to know exactly who Jesse is and what is at stake if he can put it together. Ito merely nods his eyes meeting Jesse’s easily regardless of the daggers he shoots from them.
“Yeah, and you?” He fires right back at the brunette.
“Jesse.” He replies coldly as if he needs to reply at all. With how much they already know about each other it’s amazing they don’t just start trying to rip each other’s throats out. I feel bad for holding Jesse’s hand as he tightens his grip and smiles confidently at Ito. “What brings you here?” Jesse asks as he actually slides his hand out of mine and very deliberately slides his hand on to my thigh over exaggerating the movement to make it seem to Ito like his hand is in a very different spot. I send Jess a slight glare but he is just shining in his limelight. Still Ito doesn’t step back at all from the challenge.
“I have as much right to show up here as you do.” He states and I know it is true. Jesse looks coldly at him and defiantly moves his hand so that it is on my crotch. That just takes it too far and I decide it’s about time to stop their catfight rather then sit watching in silence.
“Would you two just stop it.” I say pushing Jesse’s hand away so that it isn’t even on my leg. “I know neither of you is happy with this but can’t you at least keep from clawing each other’s eyes out.” I vent at them and stand up my chair shooting back slightly to allow for the movement. “Just leave it alone. I’m done! With both of you.” I say not caring who hears and I then proceed to walk off to my room knowing they can’t follow me. Even as they do I hear a nurse telling them they both need to leave.
I throw myself onto the plastic covered bed hating the both of them all over again. Hating myself for not choosing and now knowing that I just did. I choose neither of them because I don’t want them to be so immature. Still I know that Jesse at least will fight it, I don’t know if Ito will.
I stay in my room not caring that I know I’m not supposed to be there during the day. Yet still after only ten minutes or so I manage to fall completely asleep exhausted. Strangely enough I manage to go undisturbed and sleep all the way ‘till morning. Somehow regardless of going to bed at around five without dinner I still feel restless and not hungry at all. I lie in bed letting the sunlight hit me and sting my eyes. I try not to think about Jesse and Ito not wanting to admit that I probably hurt them instead trying to focus on how they were acting.
Once I get out of bed though and see Jesse’s clothes again I frown knowing I really can’t forget about either one of them very easily even here. I throw on a pair of jeans that are a bit tighter since I am no longer wearing the bandage around my thigh, along with a plain green shirt. When I walk out to the common room I still don’t see Melissa and yet I sit at a table and without being asked I get a tray when food cart arrives. Once I have my tray though and before I can even really eat it a nurse tells me I need to go see Mr. Ferrell so I take my food with me.
In his office I sit on the couch with my food right next to me barely catching the slight look of worry on his face at the food on the furniture. I grin at that and put a spoonful of applesauce in my mouth watching his face as I swallow it down. “Morning Cody.” I tell him still not saying ‘good’ or his last name. He grins very slightly at me.
“Hello, Kevin, good to see you again. So I hear you caused a bit of a disruption in the common room yesterday along with the help of your two male visitors. Want to explain that?” He asks and I bite my lip slightly at the thought of explaining it.
“I was mad at them. They got to meet for the first time and they spent the time glaring at each other and playing stupid mind games. So I told them both that I don’t want to date either of them.” I say amazingly calm and for a little while I just sit there silently eating as Cody and I look over each other.
“So that’s it then? Your choice is neither of them?” He asks and I shrug then at the look on his face I take another spoonful of applesauce and then answer him.
“If they’re going to act that way then yes. I don’t want to be with either of them if they are going to be immature.”
“So then if you were in their place wouldn’t you be a bit mad that the person you wanted to date was fooling around? Wouldn’t you try to win them over especially if the other person they were dating was right in front of you?” I grind my teeth not wanting to admit that I probably wouldn’t be much different.
“Yeah I get it. So maybe I was a little mean to them. I still shouldn’t have to put up with them competing with me as the prize.”
When I inquire as to Melissa’s disappearance to one of the nurses at lunch they inform me that her time here is over and she has left. I actually frown at that because I was starting to like having her around. Still I keep from remaining in the corner staying at the back table just as completely alone while I still eat very small bites.
That night Jesse ends up calling and though I’m not sure what it will accomplish I take the call. “Jess I meant it when I said it’s over. We’re done Jesse. I don’t want to date you.”
“So that’s it? You are just going to leave me for him?” He asks and luckily it sounds like he doesn’t realize Ito and Mr. Masûmakè are one in the same.
“Weren’t you listening Jess? I said it was over with both of you. Don’t make it any wore than it needs to be. I still want to be friends just nothing sexual ok?”
He hangs up.
My meeting with Cody the next day brings me to tears as I end up admitting the fact that even though I broke up with Ito and Jesse I still hold deep feelings for both of them. I think on the fact of my mother, the way she reacted when I told her I was gay and the way she hasn’t talked to me since.
I bring up my mother the next day and Cody mentions something that I wasn’t even paying attention to. The day I’m being released on, if everything goes well, is my eighteenth birthday. So my mother may not even show up then because legally she doesn’t have to. Still I wonder if my mom really cares so little about me to the point of kicking me out the day I get out of the mental institution or if she somehow thinks me being here will cure my ‘disease.’
I get around to thinking of how I just dumped both Ito and Jesse and somehow I come around to the thought that it was the right thing to do. I can’t keep leading them on like I was it was unfair to all of us. I know I at least meant my words to Jesse, who was playing mind games that day much more avidly than Ito was. I know somehow that I really never should have taken it to that level with Jesse because maybe we were never meant to be more than friends.
When it comes to Ito is when I have the problem of whether or not I did the right thing. Obviously he is my teacher and that is not a very good basis for a relationship to begin with. He is ten years older than I and has a son ten years my younger. Yet he is so sweet and caring not to mention completely hot. He isn’t nearly as lustful as Jesse and when we did do sexual things it was never as rushed and bland as mere sex. There was more to it; he seemed to take the time to actually cherish my body, as sick as that sounds it sounds beautiful as well. Still I hate to know that ours is a relationship I could never admit and that fact alone is enough to dampen my spirits.
I finally get confirmation of my assumptions about my mother the day before I am to leave. She calls me since I have long past given up on calling her. Her voice seems awkward almost as she says hello. “They tell me you get to leave tomorrow.” She says and I admit it isn’t really much of a greeting.
“Yes.” I reply wondering where I will be going when I do leave. We stay silent for a moment but then I breach it with a question about her silence. “So when I do leave will you even bother to talk to me?”
“Did you mean what you said?” She asks and I don’t reply not sure of what she is talking about. “That day in the hospital did you mean it?” She rephrases and I almost want to hit myself at her question though I have a bigger urge to hit her.
“Yes I meant it–” The sound of a dial tone hits my ear before I even finish my sentence and I know she will not accept me.
My days at the mental hospital pass in a haze. Jesse keeps calling every day after the first call but I keep refusing the calls and he seems to get the point and stops calling after three days. Ito doesn’t even try to call. Neither of them shows up again. I eat enough to keep from fainting again but I know that I’m not eating as much as I should. After a day or two they removed the I.V. I know that I lost weight and I know that my hair is longer then it has been in a while.
A few things have been returned to me including my cell phone and my car keys. So while I have many messages and missed calls, I walk out to the parking lot to see the only thing waiting for me is my car with no one in it. I open the door knowing that my mother must have brought it and gave the keys to them. A card sits in the passenger seat in a sealed plain white envelope. I open it up to see that it says ‘Happy Birthday’ After counting up days I realize that it is right, it’s my birthday. The card is from my mother. Enclosed with it is a hundred dollar bill and very few words. “Don’t come home.”
I throw the card back at the seat only to catch a glimpse of things in the back seat. I turn to look and see my belongings piled up on the back seat. My phone vibrates again in my pocket as the missed calls and voice mail are still ignored.
I turn on the car and drive not quite sure where I am going as I start to listen to messages from as long ago as three weeks. The first few are from Jesse from when I was still at the normal hospital and he didn’t know why I was missing school. I barely listen to those except to notice that he sounded very worried about me. A single message plays from Ito before he knew where I was and strangely enough the concern in his voice is almost easier to hear. While he sounds more concerned Jesse’s messages sound more desperate. The last message starts to play and strangely enough it is from today.
“I’m not sure when or even if you will get this, and I hope you will at least take the time to listen to it. First off Happy Birthday, if you’re wondering how I know well I have access to at least that much of your file. I’m sorry about how I acted with Jesse when I came to see you, but I don’t like to see you with anyone else. I know you said that you don’t want to be with either of us but if you ever want to talk don’t hesitate to call.” Ito’s voice carries on as if he is hesitating but then the message just ends, whatever he was going to say is cut off.
My eyes focus on the road finally only to see that I am just driving around and headed nowhere. I end up driving to a park that I know though not too well. I try to think where to go from here. My mental search remains fruitless because I know that I can’t go to any of the houses of my friends I go to school with because their moms would start to ask questions at some point. So that leaves me with only two options really. To stay on my own with little to no money and possibly waste nearly all of it just for a night’s stay at a motel or to call Ito and see if I can stay with him.
I sullenly pick my cell phone back up and dial Ito’s number knowing it is after school so he should pick up even though the message he left was clearly from his lunch break. “Hello?” He answers and even at the sound of his voice my brain and body in no way react.
“Can I come over?” I ask not bothering to return the greeting. Not bothering to say who I am. Not bothering to explain anything at all. Still I know by his answer that he knows who I am even if he doesn’t know the reason for my request.
“Sure. I’m not there yet but I should be by the time you get there.” He replies and at that I just hang up the phone tired of our strained conversation. I place my cell back in my pocket and start the car back up heading out for his duplex. With all the time I have on the way there I’m still no better off at explaining myself and why I would possibly want to stay there when I told him I wanted to end it. Though the fact that he called me helps with my cause a little. I see Ito’s car as I pull up so I know I didn’t beat him here.
I get out of the car and walk up to the door knocking on it softly. Ito answers his eyes questioning as they look into mine. “Happy Birthday.” He tells me as if I need the reminder to make things seem even suckier that I got kicked out of my mother’s house on my own birthday. Still I keep that comment to myself as I answer.
“Thanks.”
“Come on in.” He tells and I follow him not saying another word. We end up seated on his couch and staring at the floor silently and not touching at all. “You look a lot different.” He says softly looking over me and I know it’s true; I just nod. “You lost a lot of weight.” He says and again I just nod. “So what brings you here?” He finally asks and I sigh my eyes looking up as my face lifts to see his.
“I told my mom that I’m gay so she kicked me out. I didn’t know where else to go.” I admit quietly not sure what he will take from my words.
“K.” He says and I’m so surprised I have to take another look at him to see if he means it. He sees the look in my eyes and smiles softly. “You can stay.” He tells me and I smile at him feeling grateful that he so easily takes me in with hardly an explanation from my mouth.
“Thanks.” I say not sure what to do or say.
“Don’t mention it. I get it. I don’t have an extra room though so you can take mine.” He tells me and I know that while we probably shouldn’t be in the same room that I don’t want to take his room from him.
“No, you stay in your room. It’s your house.”
“I know it’s my house but I wouldn’t be a very good host if you were left to sleep on the couch now would I? So you take the room, I don’t want to argue about this.” He tells me and I just sigh.
“I’m sure we can just share the room alright?” I tell him not liking the idea much but not wanting either of us to have to sleep on the couch. He looks at me a bit skeptically before replying.
“Are you sure you’re okay with that? After all you’re the one who said it was over between us.” He tells me and I look at him still just thinking how understanding he is to do all of this. I nod to him and he just sighs. “Did you bring anything?” He asks and I nod before relaying my story about the car.
“Yeah my mom left my things in my car for me along with a note not to come home.” I say my voice surprisingly emotionless and he closes his eyes clenching them shut.
“Alright let’s get it then.” He tells me and we walk back out to my car. As we move my things into his room we both keep quiet and I know he must be wondering why I came here even with my mom throwing me out. It’s not like I know anyone else with his own house though. So we move my belongings with hardly a word spoken between us.
By the time we get my things moved we are both so tired that we just sit on Ito’s bed looking at the gathered pile of stuff. “Why do you have all of this anyway?” He asks me looking at me half curiously, and I know that he noticed that most of it is rather old. Still as I am annoyed at having to move it all just because my mom loaded up my car with my crap and threw me out.
“Like I got to choose the things my mom put in my car.” I offer as an excuse not really wanting to discuss my belongings with Ito. In fact I don’t want to discuss anything with Ito and I know it’s only a matter of time until we get to the topic of us. The longer I can avoid that topic the more willing I am to talk about anything, I mean anything, else. Still Ito just rolls his eyes at me in a way that I almost find cute with the fact that he never rolls his eyes.
“Fine just let me clear up some space for all of this. Sort out the things you want closer because you will need to put some in the living room closet.” He tells me and I sigh and start sorting out my stuff as he starts going through his drawers. As I go through my things mainly I separate my clothes from my actual possessions knowing that those are the main things I’ll need by me. Yet as I look through my clothes they look unappealing; in fact, all of my things look rather useless and unappealing. I finish sorting the pile and get up walking to stand behind Ito with out a word.
As he stands moving things from one drawer into another I tap him on the shoulder and he turns around and looks at me his eyes looking almost worried for some reason. “Just wanted to say I’m done.” I tell him and he sighs slightly his arms seeming to tighten around the items he is holding.
“K, then just sit down or something. Don’t sneak up on me like that.” He says and I nod then sit on his bed watching him. As I sit though my eyes focus on what he is holding, in his hands, partially buried under some clothes, the shape is undeniable, the shape of a large dildo. I chuckle to myself and without even turning to look at me his cheeks flush bright red, yet it just makes him cuter.
Instead of vocalizing what we both already know I saw I lie back on his bed enjoying the feel of a bed that isn’t wrapped in plastic as opposed to the mental hospital one. “Ah this feels so good.” I say lightly to myself at the feel of the soft sheets. I hear him turn towards me and I know he is looking over my body but I keep quiet. I hear Ito go back to reorganizing so I let my mind drift. After a while I stop hearing the sounds of his sorting and I feel the bed give as Ito lies down next to me.
He turns onto his side and for a moment or two we just look into each other’s eyes. We stay quiet but it’s a good silence and light smiles show on our faces. He moves closer slightly and his hand touches my cheek and I don’t object to it. He smiles wider and then his lips touch mine kissing me lightly. I don’t pull away instead I just kiss him back letting my tongue move against his softly.
When he pulls away my eyes meet his and I remember the fact that I said I don’t want to be with him. “Please don’t tempt me.” I tell him pulling back from his body slightly.
He sighs softly before answering. “I didn’t mean to tempt you, Kevin. I meant it before and I mean it now. I want to be with you.” He tells me and I know he means it. I sit up feeling more frustrated at coming here.
“Ito, I can’t date you.” I tell him not wanting to even hear that myself but knowing we both need to face the truth. His eyes look to mine questioning with out a word. “You’re my teacher, who are we trying to fool?” I say sadly, tired of the whole charade. Yet he just grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls me to him his lips kissing me deeply enough to bruise. I fight back at first but as tears start to run down my cheeks I kiss him back more then a little desperately.
His tear-streaked eyes look into mine as he pulls away. “I don’t care that I’m your teacher. Neither one of us knew that going into this, and it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.” He tells me and I just cry turning away from him and continuing to lie on his bed. “Just think about it ok.” He tells me softly before he gets up and starts moving my things into the space he has cleared.
Ito sits across the table from Jesse and me and I panic wondering what is going to happen. I stay silent as they look over each other with blunt curiosity. Jesse seems pissed; he very openly glares at Ito and it seems very real to me that he was obsessed with hearing Ito’s name to the point of not hearing his last name. We sit in an awkward silence for a while until Jesse daringly speaks up. “So you’re Ito?” He says stating the obvious and breaking the ice. Ito on the other hand seems to know exactly who Jesse is and what is at stake if he can put it together. Ito merely nods his eyes meeting Jesse’s easily regardless of the daggers he shoots from them.
“Yeah, and you?” He fires right back at the brunette.
“Jesse.” He replies coldly as if he needs to reply at all. With how much they already know about each other it’s amazing they don’t just start trying to rip each other’s throats out. I feel bad for holding Jesse’s hand as he tightens his grip and smiles confidently at Ito. “What brings you here?” Jesse asks as he actually slides his hand out of mine and very deliberately slides his hand on to my thigh over exaggerating the movement to make it seem to Ito like his hand is in a very different spot. I send Jess a slight glare but he is just shining in his limelight. Still Ito doesn’t step back at all from the challenge.
“I have as much right to show up here as you do.” He states and I know it is true. Jesse looks coldly at him and defiantly moves his hand so that it is on my crotch. That just takes it too far and I decide it’s about time to stop their catfight rather then sit watching in silence.
“Would you two just stop it.” I say pushing Jesse’s hand away so that it isn’t even on my leg. “I know neither of you is happy with this but can’t you at least keep from clawing each other’s eyes out.” I vent at them and stand up my chair shooting back slightly to allow for the movement. “Just leave it alone. I’m done! With both of you.” I say not caring who hears and I then proceed to walk off to my room knowing they can’t follow me. Even as they do I hear a nurse telling them they both need to leave.
I throw myself onto the plastic covered bed hating the both of them all over again. Hating myself for not choosing and now knowing that I just did. I choose neither of them because I don’t want them to be so immature. Still I know that Jesse at least will fight it, I don’t know if Ito will.
I stay in my room not caring that I know I’m not supposed to be there during the day. Yet still after only ten minutes or so I manage to fall completely asleep exhausted. Strangely enough I manage to go undisturbed and sleep all the way ‘till morning. Somehow regardless of going to bed at around five without dinner I still feel restless and not hungry at all. I lie in bed letting the sunlight hit me and sting my eyes. I try not to think about Jesse and Ito not wanting to admit that I probably hurt them instead trying to focus on how they were acting.
Once I get out of bed though and see Jesse’s clothes again I frown knowing I really can’t forget about either one of them very easily even here. I throw on a pair of jeans that are a bit tighter since I am no longer wearing the bandage around my thigh, along with a plain green shirt. When I walk out to the common room I still don’t see Melissa and yet I sit at a table and without being asked I get a tray when food cart arrives. Once I have my tray though and before I can even really eat it a nurse tells me I need to go see Mr. Ferrell so I take my food with me.
In his office I sit on the couch with my food right next to me barely catching the slight look of worry on his face at the food on the furniture. I grin at that and put a spoonful of applesauce in my mouth watching his face as I swallow it down. “Morning Cody.” I tell him still not saying ‘good’ or his last name. He grins very slightly at me.
“Hello, Kevin, good to see you again. So I hear you caused a bit of a disruption in the common room yesterday along with the help of your two male visitors. Want to explain that?” He asks and I bite my lip slightly at the thought of explaining it.
“I was mad at them. They got to meet for the first time and they spent the time glaring at each other and playing stupid mind games. So I told them both that I don’t want to date either of them.” I say amazingly calm and for a little while I just sit there silently eating as Cody and I look over each other.
“So that’s it then? Your choice is neither of them?” He asks and I shrug then at the look on his face I take another spoonful of applesauce and then answer him.
“If they’re going to act that way then yes. I don’t want to be with either of them if they are going to be immature.”
“So then if you were in their place wouldn’t you be a bit mad that the person you wanted to date was fooling around? Wouldn’t you try to win them over especially if the other person they were dating was right in front of you?” I grind my teeth not wanting to admit that I probably wouldn’t be much different.
“Yeah I get it. So maybe I was a little mean to them. I still shouldn’t have to put up with them competing with me as the prize.”
When I inquire as to Melissa’s disappearance to one of the nurses at lunch they inform me that her time here is over and she has left. I actually frown at that because I was starting to like having her around. Still I keep from remaining in the corner staying at the back table just as completely alone while I still eat very small bites.
That night Jesse ends up calling and though I’m not sure what it will accomplish I take the call. “Jess I meant it when I said it’s over. We’re done Jesse. I don’t want to date you.”
“So that’s it? You are just going to leave me for him?” He asks and luckily it sounds like he doesn’t realize Ito and Mr. Masûmakè are one in the same.
“Weren’t you listening Jess? I said it was over with both of you. Don’t make it any wore than it needs to be. I still want to be friends just nothing sexual ok?”
He hangs up.
My meeting with Cody the next day brings me to tears as I end up admitting the fact that even though I broke up with Ito and Jesse I still hold deep feelings for both of them. I think on the fact of my mother, the way she reacted when I told her I was gay and the way she hasn’t talked to me since.
I bring up my mother the next day and Cody mentions something that I wasn’t even paying attention to. The day I’m being released on, if everything goes well, is my eighteenth birthday. So my mother may not even show up then because legally she doesn’t have to. Still I wonder if my mom really cares so little about me to the point of kicking me out the day I get out of the mental institution or if she somehow thinks me being here will cure my ‘disease.’
I get around to thinking of how I just dumped both Ito and Jesse and somehow I come around to the thought that it was the right thing to do. I can’t keep leading them on like I was it was unfair to all of us. I know I at least meant my words to Jesse, who was playing mind games that day much more avidly than Ito was. I know somehow that I really never should have taken it to that level with Jesse because maybe we were never meant to be more than friends.
When it comes to Ito is when I have the problem of whether or not I did the right thing. Obviously he is my teacher and that is not a very good basis for a relationship to begin with. He is ten years older than I and has a son ten years my younger. Yet he is so sweet and caring not to mention completely hot. He isn’t nearly as lustful as Jesse and when we did do sexual things it was never as rushed and bland as mere sex. There was more to it; he seemed to take the time to actually cherish my body, as sick as that sounds it sounds beautiful as well. Still I hate to know that ours is a relationship I could never admit and that fact alone is enough to dampen my spirits.
I finally get confirmation of my assumptions about my mother the day before I am to leave. She calls me since I have long past given up on calling her. Her voice seems awkward almost as she says hello. “They tell me you get to leave tomorrow.” She says and I admit it isn’t really much of a greeting.
“Yes.” I reply wondering where I will be going when I do leave. We stay silent for a moment but then I breach it with a question about her silence. “So when I do leave will you even bother to talk to me?”
“Did you mean what you said?” She asks and I don’t reply not sure of what she is talking about. “That day in the hospital did you mean it?” She rephrases and I almost want to hit myself at her question though I have a bigger urge to hit her.
“Yes I meant it–” The sound of a dial tone hits my ear before I even finish my sentence and I know she will not accept me.
My days at the mental hospital pass in a haze. Jesse keeps calling every day after the first call but I keep refusing the calls and he seems to get the point and stops calling after three days. Ito doesn’t even try to call. Neither of them shows up again. I eat enough to keep from fainting again but I know that I’m not eating as much as I should. After a day or two they removed the I.V. I know that I lost weight and I know that my hair is longer then it has been in a while.
A few things have been returned to me including my cell phone and my car keys. So while I have many messages and missed calls, I walk out to the parking lot to see the only thing waiting for me is my car with no one in it. I open the door knowing that my mother must have brought it and gave the keys to them. A card sits in the passenger seat in a sealed plain white envelope. I open it up to see that it says ‘Happy Birthday’ After counting up days I realize that it is right, it’s my birthday. The card is from my mother. Enclosed with it is a hundred dollar bill and very few words. “Don’t come home.”
I throw the card back at the seat only to catch a glimpse of things in the back seat. I turn to look and see my belongings piled up on the back seat. My phone vibrates again in my pocket as the missed calls and voice mail are still ignored.
I turn on the car and drive not quite sure where I am going as I start to listen to messages from as long ago as three weeks. The first few are from Jesse from when I was still at the normal hospital and he didn’t know why I was missing school. I barely listen to those except to notice that he sounded very worried about me. A single message plays from Ito before he knew where I was and strangely enough the concern in his voice is almost easier to hear. While he sounds more concerned Jesse’s messages sound more desperate. The last message starts to play and strangely enough it is from today.
“I’m not sure when or even if you will get this, and I hope you will at least take the time to listen to it. First off Happy Birthday, if you’re wondering how I know well I have access to at least that much of your file. I’m sorry about how I acted with Jesse when I came to see you, but I don’t like to see you with anyone else. I know you said that you don’t want to be with either of us but if you ever want to talk don’t hesitate to call.” Ito’s voice carries on as if he is hesitating but then the message just ends, whatever he was going to say is cut off.
My eyes focus on the road finally only to see that I am just driving around and headed nowhere. I end up driving to a park that I know though not too well. I try to think where to go from here. My mental search remains fruitless because I know that I can’t go to any of the houses of my friends I go to school with because their moms would start to ask questions at some point. So that leaves me with only two options really. To stay on my own with little to no money and possibly waste nearly all of it just for a night’s stay at a motel or to call Ito and see if I can stay with him.
I sullenly pick my cell phone back up and dial Ito’s number knowing it is after school so he should pick up even though the message he left was clearly from his lunch break. “Hello?” He answers and even at the sound of his voice my brain and body in no way react.
“Can I come over?” I ask not bothering to return the greeting. Not bothering to say who I am. Not bothering to explain anything at all. Still I know by his answer that he knows who I am even if he doesn’t know the reason for my request.
“Sure. I’m not there yet but I should be by the time you get there.” He replies and at that I just hang up the phone tired of our strained conversation. I place my cell back in my pocket and start the car back up heading out for his duplex. With all the time I have on the way there I’m still no better off at explaining myself and why I would possibly want to stay there when I told him I wanted to end it. Though the fact that he called me helps with my cause a little. I see Ito’s car as I pull up so I know I didn’t beat him here.
I get out of the car and walk up to the door knocking on it softly. Ito answers his eyes questioning as they look into mine. “Happy Birthday.” He tells me as if I need the reminder to make things seem even suckier that I got kicked out of my mother’s house on my own birthday. Still I keep that comment to myself as I answer.
“Thanks.”
“Come on in.” He tells and I follow him not saying another word. We end up seated on his couch and staring at the floor silently and not touching at all. “You look a lot different.” He says softly looking over me and I know it’s true; I just nod. “You lost a lot of weight.” He says and again I just nod. “So what brings you here?” He finally asks and I sigh my eyes looking up as my face lifts to see his.
“I told my mom that I’m gay so she kicked me out. I didn’t know where else to go.” I admit quietly not sure what he will take from my words.
“K.” He says and I’m so surprised I have to take another look at him to see if he means it. He sees the look in my eyes and smiles softly. “You can stay.” He tells me and I smile at him feeling grateful that he so easily takes me in with hardly an explanation from my mouth.
“Thanks.” I say not sure what to do or say.
“Don’t mention it. I get it. I don’t have an extra room though so you can take mine.” He tells me and I know that while we probably shouldn’t be in the same room that I don’t want to take his room from him.
“No, you stay in your room. It’s your house.”
“I know it’s my house but I wouldn’t be a very good host if you were left to sleep on the couch now would I? So you take the room, I don’t want to argue about this.” He tells me and I just sigh.
“I’m sure we can just share the room alright?” I tell him not liking the idea much but not wanting either of us to have to sleep on the couch. He looks at me a bit skeptically before replying.
“Are you sure you’re okay with that? After all you’re the one who said it was over between us.” He tells me and I look at him still just thinking how understanding he is to do all of this. I nod to him and he just sighs. “Did you bring anything?” He asks and I nod before relaying my story about the car.
“Yeah my mom left my things in my car for me along with a note not to come home.” I say my voice surprisingly emotionless and he closes his eyes clenching them shut.
“Alright let’s get it then.” He tells me and we walk back out to my car. As we move my things into his room we both keep quiet and I know he must be wondering why I came here even with my mom throwing me out. It’s not like I know anyone else with his own house though. So we move my belongings with hardly a word spoken between us.
By the time we get my things moved we are both so tired that we just sit on Ito’s bed looking at the gathered pile of stuff. “Why do you have all of this anyway?” He asks me looking at me half curiously, and I know that he noticed that most of it is rather old. Still as I am annoyed at having to move it all just because my mom loaded up my car with my crap and threw me out.
“Like I got to choose the things my mom put in my car.” I offer as an excuse not really wanting to discuss my belongings with Ito. In fact I don’t want to discuss anything with Ito and I know it’s only a matter of time until we get to the topic of us. The longer I can avoid that topic the more willing I am to talk about anything, I mean anything, else. Still Ito just rolls his eyes at me in a way that I almost find cute with the fact that he never rolls his eyes.
“Fine just let me clear up some space for all of this. Sort out the things you want closer because you will need to put some in the living room closet.” He tells me and I sigh and start sorting out my stuff as he starts going through his drawers. As I go through my things mainly I separate my clothes from my actual possessions knowing that those are the main things I’ll need by me. Yet as I look through my clothes they look unappealing; in fact, all of my things look rather useless and unappealing. I finish sorting the pile and get up walking to stand behind Ito with out a word.
As he stands moving things from one drawer into another I tap him on the shoulder and he turns around and looks at me his eyes looking almost worried for some reason. “Just wanted to say I’m done.” I tell him and he sighs slightly his arms seeming to tighten around the items he is holding.
“K, then just sit down or something. Don’t sneak up on me like that.” He says and I nod then sit on his bed watching him. As I sit though my eyes focus on what he is holding, in his hands, partially buried under some clothes, the shape is undeniable, the shape of a large dildo. I chuckle to myself and without even turning to look at me his cheeks flush bright red, yet it just makes him cuter.
Instead of vocalizing what we both already know I saw I lie back on his bed enjoying the feel of a bed that isn’t wrapped in plastic as opposed to the mental hospital one. “Ah this feels so good.” I say lightly to myself at the feel of the soft sheets. I hear him turn towards me and I know he is looking over my body but I keep quiet. I hear Ito go back to reorganizing so I let my mind drift. After a while I stop hearing the sounds of his sorting and I feel the bed give as Ito lies down next to me.
He turns onto his side and for a moment or two we just look into each other’s eyes. We stay quiet but it’s a good silence and light smiles show on our faces. He moves closer slightly and his hand touches my cheek and I don’t object to it. He smiles wider and then his lips touch mine kissing me lightly. I don’t pull away instead I just kiss him back letting my tongue move against his softly.
When he pulls away my eyes meet his and I remember the fact that I said I don’t want to be with him. “Please don’t tempt me.” I tell him pulling back from his body slightly.
He sighs softly before answering. “I didn’t mean to tempt you, Kevin. I meant it before and I mean it now. I want to be with you.” He tells me and I know he means it. I sit up feeling more frustrated at coming here.
“Ito, I can’t date you.” I tell him not wanting to even hear that myself but knowing we both need to face the truth. His eyes look to mine questioning with out a word. “You’re my teacher, who are we trying to fool?” I say sadly, tired of the whole charade. Yet he just grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls me to him his lips kissing me deeply enough to bruise. I fight back at first but as tears start to run down my cheeks I kiss him back more then a little desperately.
His tear-streaked eyes look into mine as he pulls away. “I don’t care that I’m your teacher. Neither one of us knew that going into this, and it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.” He tells me and I just cry turning away from him and continuing to lie on his bed. “Just think about it ok.” He tells me softly before he gets up and starts moving my things into the space he has cleared.