Chapter 10
I stay on Ito’s bed for a while watching him go through my things and put them in his room. He doesn’t look to me to see if I am paying attention so I don’t have to ask where my own things are, he most likely doesn’t look at me for reasons other than that as well. He doesn’t want to see me looking at him sullenly from his actions and I know he doesn’t want me to see how hurt he is either. I don’t mean to hurt him but the truth hurts some times and I can’t find a way to take my words back when I really do mean them.
It’s around five when Ito stops again, finished with what will actually fit in his room. He finally looks to me again, his face still sad but not quite as much as before. I sit watching him, as I have been for some time, though I don’t even know when I sat up rather then staying lying. He sits next to me again but not as close as before as if he is still afraid to be hurt. “What do you want for dinner?” He asks me and even though I haven’t eaten all day I let my response leave my lips.
“I’m not hungry.” I tell him some how knowing that he won’t be satisfied with that answer.
“When was the last time you ate?” He asks me and I know that he must think it’s been a while. I bite my lip slightly before answering him wondering if I should tell him the truth. Still I know as well that he can see that I have lost weight, I’m not kidding when I say my clothes are practically falling off of me. So I swallow and answer him.
“Yesterday.” I say honestly and I know without even looking at his face that he will make me eat with that answer.
“Then you’re eating.” He replies his voice anything but a request. “Come on.” He tells me as he stands up and pulls me to my feet as well making me follow him to the kitchen. I don’t object to his hand in mine more so because I convince myself that he is doing it to make me follow rather than because he just wants to hold my hand. Regardless of whether or not it’s true I don’t pull away or get on to him and I tell myself to shut up when I think of how nice it feels to actually hold his hand.
Still without even my own actions he lets go of my hand as we enter the kitchen and he opens the refrigerator. He doesn’t ask me again what I want to eat and I don’t feel like putting my input in with out his need for it. So instead as I see nowhere to sit and guess that he doesn’t want me to leave the room so I sit on the counter instead and watch him cook.
I don’t watch him intently enough to see what he is cooking and besides that fact I probably wouldn’t know even if I paid attention being that he seems to be cooking some type of Asian food again. He doesn’t seem to care that I sit on his counter either even though it obviously takes up some space he could be using for cooking. In fact he almost seems to enjoy having me there watching him as he cooks yet we say nothing to each other.
As Ito seems to be about done though he turns to me with the chopsticks he has been cooking with still in his hands. He tilts his head to the side slightly as he silently offers me some of the food still held in the chopsticks. I open my mouth and he moves the food into my mouth. I eat it with hardly a word only to notice how much eating actual food makes me crave more of it rather then all of the bland hospital food. He still looks at me as if waiting my approval and I smile at him swallowing the small amount he gave me. “Tastes good.” I tell him honestly smiling at him as I speak. He grins back at me and turns off the stove.
“Thanks.” He tells me before getting plates out and putting some of the noodle concoction on them. He hands one plate to me along with a fork as he keeps the other plate and the chopsticks himself. I stay on the counter looking at him as he leans up against an opposite counter and eats some of the food. I smile at him liking that we aren’t sitting awkwardly at the table. I take another bite and he watches me just as silently as I do him. Then he speaks again, “Are you going to school tomorrow?” He asks me and I really want to say no but I doubt Ito wants me to miss being that he must think highly of education if he is a teacher. Still I just take another bite before answering.
“I guess I should go.” I say not really saying whether or not I will. I eat a little more before talking again. “I don’t really want to.” I tell him honestly and he just looks at me pointedly.
“Why not?”
“Would you really have been so quick to tell your friends you spent the last two weeks in a mental hospital when you were in high school?” I ask him knowing no one is likely to do that. He sighs continuing to eat without a reply. “Besides tomorrow’s Friday I’d rather start school back up Monday.” I tell him wondering if he will tell me that I should go tomorrow.
“So what will you do if you don’t go to school tomorrow then? Just hang around here?” He asks me and as I take another bite my hair falls in front of my face and I know that’s one thing I want to do. Ito smiles at me and moves forward slightly tucking my hair behind my ear for me. I take a breath in at him being so close to me but he just looks at me clearly still waiting for an answer.
“I thought I might go do a few things.” I say cryptically, “Besides I want to have a few days to relax now that I’m not there anymore before I have to go back to school.” He seems convinced of the fact that I will at least go back to school eventually and it seems likely that he will agree. He backs up from me seeing as we both seem to find it a little awkward at being so close and he nods.
“Alright. Just be here when I get back okay?” He asks almost seeming a little desperate as if waiting for me to run. I just smile at him and nod slightly glad that he isn’t questioning me further on what I’m going to do. With that said and done we both just go back to eating, him with his chopsticks and me with my fork. I finish before he does eating ravenously even as I try to slow down but my body craves the food.
He sees the way I pretty much attack the food and he smiles at watching me. “You can have more if you want.” He offers and I take a small amount more still feeling hungry but not wanting to overdo it. He on the other hand eats much slower and more gracefully before he puts his plate and chopsticks in the sink. Then he pours a glass of water for himself and takes a small drink of it. It almost seems as if he is stalling to stay there as I finish eating.
I merely place the plate down no longer so hungry. I take a step closer to him and snag his glass out of his hands taking a drink from it as well and enjoying his surprised smile at my action. Still I just drain the water and set the glass next to him and smile. I grab my plate again and clear it before leaving it in the sink as well. Then I smile at Ito and walk to his- scratch that- our room, wondering just how awkward this is going to get.
It starts out kind of normal as Ito follows me in to the room and we sit on his bed watching TV still sitting a bit away from each other. We keep silent other than our laughs once or twice, since we are watching cartoons again. It’s an easy silence so we don’t feel pushed to talk as well but as we continue sitting there watching the shows it gets to the point that we know we are only stalling. So I bite my lip and turn off the TV not wanting to push this any longer.
Ito gets up and turns off the light yet as he turns back toward the bed he pauses for a second seeming unsure of what to do. I just smile at him as I lie on his bed before I move off further to the side I’m already on. He sighs and gets in the bed again moving off to the other side and being that the bed is a full size there is still a bit of room between us. We end up each taking a blanket for ourselves because we are too far from each other to actually share. Still we spend some time lying there before I hear Ito’s soft breathing signaling to me that he is asleep. I sigh and take a bit longer before getting to sleep myself.
I wake up partially knowing it’s still too early to get up. Yet as I wake up I notice that some how during the night Ito or I or both of us must have moved because now he is right next to me. He lies in my arms pressing himself up against my chest and I don’t bother to pull away. I can’t pull away with how he looks so peaceful in my grip. So instead I lightly kiss his lips and fall back asleep.
When I wake up again Ito isn’t even in the bed, let alone the room. I get up slowly and when I do I notice a note on the nightstand that I assume is for me since it wasn’t there last night. I go to the bathroom waiting to pick up the note until I use the toilet and brush my hair. As I pick up the note I smile at the neat handwriting that Ito has. “Kevin, I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to wake you or not but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I figured you could use the sleep. Anyway by the time you get this I will probably already be gone, help yourself to breakfast if you want. I’ll see you when I get off. Love Ito.” It says and because it’s written in pen I can still see that he wrote love before scratching it out. I sigh and just set the note back down not bothering to dwell on it.
I end up having cereal half amazed that Ito even has it being that it looks like Ito tends to cook pretty much everything and from scratch at that. Still I own it up to the fact that he does have a small child. After I eat I wash my bowl and spoon because I can’t leave it there in the sink with everything else so nicely put away.
I end up stalling a little taking a shower and putting on clean but still baggy clothes before I finally leave his house. I go to a barbershop first and get my hair cut all the way to my chin too short to even try to put up anymore. From there I head to a thrift store and get some clothes that actually fit me. As I stand in the dressing room and look in the full-length mirror I’m amazed to see that I hardly recognize myself. The weight I’ve lost is even more noticeable with clothes that actually fit. I pay for the clothes and leave. From there I just go back to Ito’s house using a key he left for me to get back in. I sit on his couch and watch TV wondering if I am any better off for the two hours and twenty-five dollars I spent.
I spend the next four hours on Ito’s couch too intimidated by the lack of premade food to eat lunch. Still I end up asleep on the couch by the time Ito gets back home. He wakes me up by shaking my shoulder and staring at me seeming completely confused. I yawn and smile at him slightly sitting back up. “Hey Ito, how was school?” I ask and he seems to lighten up a bit and sighs and it strikes me that he must not have recognized me with the new clothes and haircut. I reach my hand up messing with what’s left of my hair. “Do you like it?” I ask him noticing that I actually do want his opinion.
He smiles at me and musses my hair with his hand. “Yeah, it looks nice.” He tells me and I smile at him glad that he approves. He pulls him hand back and then seems to be thinking about something. He sits down next to me but with his body turned so that he still faces me. “Look I know this is going to sound weird with what you were saying last night but can I please take you out to dinner?” He asks and I start to protest.
“Ito-”
“Don’t say no just yet, I really want to do this with you. Besides no one will recognize you now and you’re eighteen so I can actually date you.” He tells me and I bite my lip not sure what to say. He seems to catch that I’m hesitating and so he talks again trying to encourage me further. “Please it doesn’t have to be tonight just before you go back to school Monday. Please think about it you don’t have to answer right now. Please.” He asks me and the thing is I can’t really deny wanting to go on a date with Ito especially since all of my dates have been far and few.
“I’ll think about it.” I tell him and with that he smiles at me again. “Just wait for me to bring it up from here ok? Don’t push it.” I tell him and with a smile he seems to accept that. “Let’s just relax here for now alright?” I ask him letting it hit me that I don’t really know much about Ito. He nods wrapping his arm around my shoulders and I don’t comment on it. “Ito where did you grow up?” I ask him figuring that since he cooks so much Asian food that he might have actually moved to America. He smiles at me and doesn’t seem to be bothered by my asking.
“Japan actually until I was fourteen then I moved here with my mother. Why do you ask?” He says and I smile thinking on his words and liking that I know more specifically where in Asia he is from.
“Just curious. I mean I don’t really know you that well.” I tell him knowing it is true and knowing that in my mind it is another reason I believe I might be better off with Jesse if I were to actually choose one of them to be with. He grins at me and pulls me closer to him.
“Ask anything you want.” He tells me and I grin settling my body into the curves of his and wrapping one arm around his waist. His words of saying I can ask whatever I like makes me think what he would say if I asked about the object he had earlier that he obviously didn’t want me to see. Still I figure I should be good, well at least some what.
“Alright, uhm did you always want to be a teacher?” I ask him because now that he told me to ask questions I find it a little hard to think of any.
“No, I actually went to the point of getting a totally different degree before I decided to be a teacher.” He tells me and that amazes me a little with the fact that he is still so young.
“What degree?”
“I was an accountant.” He tells me and if I hadn’t already seen how he looks when he teaches, the way that he is still currently dressed other then his hair being loose, then I would laugh.
“Figures an Asian that’s good with math.” I say half under my breath but still he hears me and he just laughs at it and I join in. Then he smirks at me.
“My turn.” He tells me still smirking. “What did you think when you first saw me at that club?” He asks me and I know that we didn’t state any rules to our questions so it’s not like he can’t ask that but I almost don’t want to answer him truthfully.
“I thought you were way too hot for the guy you were pressed up against.” I tell him leaving out the thoughts I was thinking about just what I would like to do to him. Still he smiles at me seeming to like my answer.
“Don’t worry he was just a friend I don’t like him that way.” He tells me letting me know that he actually knows the boy he was draped around.
“Why would I be worried about that?” I ask somehow knowing that Ito has no intentions of being with someone other then myself. He shrugs though and continues to press my body into his. “Have you ever been married?” I ask him thinking slightly about Natalie and Mikhail and knowing that he did call her his ex-girlfriend. He sighs at this but he does still seem like he is going to answer.
“No, I came close when Natalie told me she was pregnant but we decided that wasn’t really a good idea.” He tells me and I don’t know if he sounds almost sad about it. In any case he isn’t quite smiling anymore. “How did you end up at that mental hospital?” He asks me his voice seeming almost emotionless. I burry my face into his chest before answering remembering that he never got around to knowing the answer to that while I was still there.
“I tried to kill myself after Jesse told me that he wanted me to choose to be with either you or him.” I say and with that answer we both stay quiet for a little while. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?” I ask him knowing it’s somewhat of a low blow but it’s not much worse then his last question.
“Fourteen.” He answers and that shocks me a little that he was so young. He must see how shocked I am because he tries to explain it. “That’s the legal age of consent in Japan, don’t look so shocked.” He tells me almost laughing a little.
“Sorry.” I say a bit sarcastically. “Boy or girl?” I ask knowing that it’s his turn and not caring. He smiles and still he answers.
“Boy, he was seventeen and he was on bottom. Are you done with that line of questioning now?” He asks and I get that he means me asking about his losing his virginity and I nod. “What happened with your dad, why didn’t you get to meet him?” He asks me, and I sigh softly remembering what happened the last time I saw Ito before getting committed.
“He left while my mom was still pregnant, ran when he heard the news of it.” I tell him and again it silences him. “How old were the first time you bottomed?” I ask him thinking on the fact that he wasn’t bottoming when he lost his virginity yet the fact that he has done both doesn’t really surprise me because he obviously likes topping if he has been with girls. Yet at the same time I wonder why the only questions I can think to ask him are sexual but the questions he keeps asking me are making me nervous so it’s only fair that I should make him nervous as well even if it is in a different way.
“Sixteen and I was seventeen when I was first with a girl before you even ask.” He tells me and I smile because I was going to ask that as well. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?” He asks me turning the tables.
“Fifteen, I’ve never been with a girl and the only times I’ve bottomed I was forced.” I tell him honestly and I’m pretty sure that he won’t ask further about my own bottoming. Yet as he pulls me onto his lap to actually face him rather then be at his side I am proven wrong.
“You don’t have to answer my next question if you don’t want to okay, but did you ever want to bottom?” He asks me and I know that I have and about doing that with him in fact.
I start to nod to him but I stop myself no longer feeling as interested with the conversation at hand even though I brought it all up to begin with. “I’d rather not answer.” I tell him and still he smiles and doesn’t push it yet I wonder if he saw me start to nod or if he thinks me not wanting to answer means I have. I don’t bother correcting what ever he assumes. With my answer I just lean into his body no longer looking him in the eyes but still enjoying how close we are regardless of my words that we shouldn’t be together. I bite my lip thinking on Ito’s words about not caring that we shouldn’t date and that he wants to actually take me out on a date. I don’t stop myself from speaking my mind. “Ito?”
“Yeah?” He asks me after a few minutes of silence and I figure he must have got that I was waiting for him to answer.
“I would like for you to take me to dinner.” I tell him and I knowing he is smiling at me telling him that. His arms wrap around me tighter and he pulls my head up by the chin making me look into his eyes past his smiling face.
“Tonight or tomorrow?” He asks me and I smile at him thinking about the question.
“Tonight.” I tell him and with my answer he very lightly kisses my lips. I kiss him back softly neither of us using more than lips. “I’m still not dating you.” I tell him as I pull back from kissing him and Ito just smiles at me.
“You never were.” He says and I know that that is true. I just smile in response and slide off of his lap. “When do you want to go?” He asks me and I know it’s already around four-o-clock.
“Let’s leave in about half an hour alright?” I tell him and he smiles at me. He gets off of the couch and then looks at me leaning down so his face is still by mine.
“Alright, I’m going to change k.” He tells me and with one last kiss to my cheek he goes off to his room. I stay on the couch thinking about the fact that he better be taking me somewhere sort of causal because I don’t have clothes for anything else that would actually fit me. He knows that fact though so I hope he will keep it in mind. I sit backwards on the couch facing Ito’s room and hearing Ito move around.
The way Ito is dressed when he walks out of his room though clues me in that I should be just fine. He is wearing skintight black jeans and a tight light blue shirt. There are rubber bracelets around his wrists again and a shark’s tooth necklace around his neck. His hair is a bit more messed up but it almost looks as if that’s on purpose and it fits with how he looks. I get up off the couch and walk over to him. “You look nice.” I tell him and he smiles at me.
“Thanks. Come on lets go.” He tells me grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the house to his car.
It’s around five when Ito stops again, finished with what will actually fit in his room. He finally looks to me again, his face still sad but not quite as much as before. I sit watching him, as I have been for some time, though I don’t even know when I sat up rather then staying lying. He sits next to me again but not as close as before as if he is still afraid to be hurt. “What do you want for dinner?” He asks me and even though I haven’t eaten all day I let my response leave my lips.
“I’m not hungry.” I tell him some how knowing that he won’t be satisfied with that answer.
“When was the last time you ate?” He asks me and I know that he must think it’s been a while. I bite my lip slightly before answering him wondering if I should tell him the truth. Still I know as well that he can see that I have lost weight, I’m not kidding when I say my clothes are practically falling off of me. So I swallow and answer him.
“Yesterday.” I say honestly and I know without even looking at his face that he will make me eat with that answer.
“Then you’re eating.” He replies his voice anything but a request. “Come on.” He tells me as he stands up and pulls me to my feet as well making me follow him to the kitchen. I don’t object to his hand in mine more so because I convince myself that he is doing it to make me follow rather than because he just wants to hold my hand. Regardless of whether or not it’s true I don’t pull away or get on to him and I tell myself to shut up when I think of how nice it feels to actually hold his hand.
Still without even my own actions he lets go of my hand as we enter the kitchen and he opens the refrigerator. He doesn’t ask me again what I want to eat and I don’t feel like putting my input in with out his need for it. So instead as I see nowhere to sit and guess that he doesn’t want me to leave the room so I sit on the counter instead and watch him cook.
I don’t watch him intently enough to see what he is cooking and besides that fact I probably wouldn’t know even if I paid attention being that he seems to be cooking some type of Asian food again. He doesn’t seem to care that I sit on his counter either even though it obviously takes up some space he could be using for cooking. In fact he almost seems to enjoy having me there watching him as he cooks yet we say nothing to each other.
As Ito seems to be about done though he turns to me with the chopsticks he has been cooking with still in his hands. He tilts his head to the side slightly as he silently offers me some of the food still held in the chopsticks. I open my mouth and he moves the food into my mouth. I eat it with hardly a word only to notice how much eating actual food makes me crave more of it rather then all of the bland hospital food. He still looks at me as if waiting my approval and I smile at him swallowing the small amount he gave me. “Tastes good.” I tell him honestly smiling at him as I speak. He grins back at me and turns off the stove.
“Thanks.” He tells me before getting plates out and putting some of the noodle concoction on them. He hands one plate to me along with a fork as he keeps the other plate and the chopsticks himself. I stay on the counter looking at him as he leans up against an opposite counter and eats some of the food. I smile at him liking that we aren’t sitting awkwardly at the table. I take another bite and he watches me just as silently as I do him. Then he speaks again, “Are you going to school tomorrow?” He asks me and I really want to say no but I doubt Ito wants me to miss being that he must think highly of education if he is a teacher. Still I just take another bite before answering.
“I guess I should go.” I say not really saying whether or not I will. I eat a little more before talking again. “I don’t really want to.” I tell him honestly and he just looks at me pointedly.
“Why not?”
“Would you really have been so quick to tell your friends you spent the last two weeks in a mental hospital when you were in high school?” I ask him knowing no one is likely to do that. He sighs continuing to eat without a reply. “Besides tomorrow’s Friday I’d rather start school back up Monday.” I tell him wondering if he will tell me that I should go tomorrow.
“So what will you do if you don’t go to school tomorrow then? Just hang around here?” He asks me and as I take another bite my hair falls in front of my face and I know that’s one thing I want to do. Ito smiles at me and moves forward slightly tucking my hair behind my ear for me. I take a breath in at him being so close to me but he just looks at me clearly still waiting for an answer.
“I thought I might go do a few things.” I say cryptically, “Besides I want to have a few days to relax now that I’m not there anymore before I have to go back to school.” He seems convinced of the fact that I will at least go back to school eventually and it seems likely that he will agree. He backs up from me seeing as we both seem to find it a little awkward at being so close and he nods.
“Alright. Just be here when I get back okay?” He asks almost seeming a little desperate as if waiting for me to run. I just smile at him and nod slightly glad that he isn’t questioning me further on what I’m going to do. With that said and done we both just go back to eating, him with his chopsticks and me with my fork. I finish before he does eating ravenously even as I try to slow down but my body craves the food.
He sees the way I pretty much attack the food and he smiles at watching me. “You can have more if you want.” He offers and I take a small amount more still feeling hungry but not wanting to overdo it. He on the other hand eats much slower and more gracefully before he puts his plate and chopsticks in the sink. Then he pours a glass of water for himself and takes a small drink of it. It almost seems as if he is stalling to stay there as I finish eating.
I merely place the plate down no longer so hungry. I take a step closer to him and snag his glass out of his hands taking a drink from it as well and enjoying his surprised smile at my action. Still I just drain the water and set the glass next to him and smile. I grab my plate again and clear it before leaving it in the sink as well. Then I smile at Ito and walk to his- scratch that- our room, wondering just how awkward this is going to get.
It starts out kind of normal as Ito follows me in to the room and we sit on his bed watching TV still sitting a bit away from each other. We keep silent other than our laughs once or twice, since we are watching cartoons again. It’s an easy silence so we don’t feel pushed to talk as well but as we continue sitting there watching the shows it gets to the point that we know we are only stalling. So I bite my lip and turn off the TV not wanting to push this any longer.
Ito gets up and turns off the light yet as he turns back toward the bed he pauses for a second seeming unsure of what to do. I just smile at him as I lie on his bed before I move off further to the side I’m already on. He sighs and gets in the bed again moving off to the other side and being that the bed is a full size there is still a bit of room between us. We end up each taking a blanket for ourselves because we are too far from each other to actually share. Still we spend some time lying there before I hear Ito’s soft breathing signaling to me that he is asleep. I sigh and take a bit longer before getting to sleep myself.
I wake up partially knowing it’s still too early to get up. Yet as I wake up I notice that some how during the night Ito or I or both of us must have moved because now he is right next to me. He lies in my arms pressing himself up against my chest and I don’t bother to pull away. I can’t pull away with how he looks so peaceful in my grip. So instead I lightly kiss his lips and fall back asleep.
When I wake up again Ito isn’t even in the bed, let alone the room. I get up slowly and when I do I notice a note on the nightstand that I assume is for me since it wasn’t there last night. I go to the bathroom waiting to pick up the note until I use the toilet and brush my hair. As I pick up the note I smile at the neat handwriting that Ito has. “Kevin, I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to wake you or not but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I figured you could use the sleep. Anyway by the time you get this I will probably already be gone, help yourself to breakfast if you want. I’ll see you when I get off. Love Ito.” It says and because it’s written in pen I can still see that he wrote love before scratching it out. I sigh and just set the note back down not bothering to dwell on it.
I end up having cereal half amazed that Ito even has it being that it looks like Ito tends to cook pretty much everything and from scratch at that. Still I own it up to the fact that he does have a small child. After I eat I wash my bowl and spoon because I can’t leave it there in the sink with everything else so nicely put away.
I end up stalling a little taking a shower and putting on clean but still baggy clothes before I finally leave his house. I go to a barbershop first and get my hair cut all the way to my chin too short to even try to put up anymore. From there I head to a thrift store and get some clothes that actually fit me. As I stand in the dressing room and look in the full-length mirror I’m amazed to see that I hardly recognize myself. The weight I’ve lost is even more noticeable with clothes that actually fit. I pay for the clothes and leave. From there I just go back to Ito’s house using a key he left for me to get back in. I sit on his couch and watch TV wondering if I am any better off for the two hours and twenty-five dollars I spent.
I spend the next four hours on Ito’s couch too intimidated by the lack of premade food to eat lunch. Still I end up asleep on the couch by the time Ito gets back home. He wakes me up by shaking my shoulder and staring at me seeming completely confused. I yawn and smile at him slightly sitting back up. “Hey Ito, how was school?” I ask and he seems to lighten up a bit and sighs and it strikes me that he must not have recognized me with the new clothes and haircut. I reach my hand up messing with what’s left of my hair. “Do you like it?” I ask him noticing that I actually do want his opinion.
He smiles at me and musses my hair with his hand. “Yeah, it looks nice.” He tells me and I smile at him glad that he approves. He pulls him hand back and then seems to be thinking about something. He sits down next to me but with his body turned so that he still faces me. “Look I know this is going to sound weird with what you were saying last night but can I please take you out to dinner?” He asks and I start to protest.
“Ito-”
“Don’t say no just yet, I really want to do this with you. Besides no one will recognize you now and you’re eighteen so I can actually date you.” He tells me and I bite my lip not sure what to say. He seems to catch that I’m hesitating and so he talks again trying to encourage me further. “Please it doesn’t have to be tonight just before you go back to school Monday. Please think about it you don’t have to answer right now. Please.” He asks me and the thing is I can’t really deny wanting to go on a date with Ito especially since all of my dates have been far and few.
“I’ll think about it.” I tell him and with that he smiles at me again. “Just wait for me to bring it up from here ok? Don’t push it.” I tell him and with a smile he seems to accept that. “Let’s just relax here for now alright?” I ask him letting it hit me that I don’t really know much about Ito. He nods wrapping his arm around my shoulders and I don’t comment on it. “Ito where did you grow up?” I ask him figuring that since he cooks so much Asian food that he might have actually moved to America. He smiles at me and doesn’t seem to be bothered by my asking.
“Japan actually until I was fourteen then I moved here with my mother. Why do you ask?” He says and I smile thinking on his words and liking that I know more specifically where in Asia he is from.
“Just curious. I mean I don’t really know you that well.” I tell him knowing it is true and knowing that in my mind it is another reason I believe I might be better off with Jesse if I were to actually choose one of them to be with. He grins at me and pulls me closer to him.
“Ask anything you want.” He tells me and I grin settling my body into the curves of his and wrapping one arm around his waist. His words of saying I can ask whatever I like makes me think what he would say if I asked about the object he had earlier that he obviously didn’t want me to see. Still I figure I should be good, well at least some what.
“Alright, uhm did you always want to be a teacher?” I ask him because now that he told me to ask questions I find it a little hard to think of any.
“No, I actually went to the point of getting a totally different degree before I decided to be a teacher.” He tells me and that amazes me a little with the fact that he is still so young.
“What degree?”
“I was an accountant.” He tells me and if I hadn’t already seen how he looks when he teaches, the way that he is still currently dressed other then his hair being loose, then I would laugh.
“Figures an Asian that’s good with math.” I say half under my breath but still he hears me and he just laughs at it and I join in. Then he smirks at me.
“My turn.” He tells me still smirking. “What did you think when you first saw me at that club?” He asks me and I know that we didn’t state any rules to our questions so it’s not like he can’t ask that but I almost don’t want to answer him truthfully.
“I thought you were way too hot for the guy you were pressed up against.” I tell him leaving out the thoughts I was thinking about just what I would like to do to him. Still he smiles at me seeming to like my answer.
“Don’t worry he was just a friend I don’t like him that way.” He tells me letting me know that he actually knows the boy he was draped around.
“Why would I be worried about that?” I ask somehow knowing that Ito has no intentions of being with someone other then myself. He shrugs though and continues to press my body into his. “Have you ever been married?” I ask him thinking slightly about Natalie and Mikhail and knowing that he did call her his ex-girlfriend. He sighs at this but he does still seem like he is going to answer.
“No, I came close when Natalie told me she was pregnant but we decided that wasn’t really a good idea.” He tells me and I don’t know if he sounds almost sad about it. In any case he isn’t quite smiling anymore. “How did you end up at that mental hospital?” He asks me his voice seeming almost emotionless. I burry my face into his chest before answering remembering that he never got around to knowing the answer to that while I was still there.
“I tried to kill myself after Jesse told me that he wanted me to choose to be with either you or him.” I say and with that answer we both stay quiet for a little while. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?” I ask him knowing it’s somewhat of a low blow but it’s not much worse then his last question.
“Fourteen.” He answers and that shocks me a little that he was so young. He must see how shocked I am because he tries to explain it. “That’s the legal age of consent in Japan, don’t look so shocked.” He tells me almost laughing a little.
“Sorry.” I say a bit sarcastically. “Boy or girl?” I ask knowing that it’s his turn and not caring. He smiles and still he answers.
“Boy, he was seventeen and he was on bottom. Are you done with that line of questioning now?” He asks and I get that he means me asking about his losing his virginity and I nod. “What happened with your dad, why didn’t you get to meet him?” He asks me, and I sigh softly remembering what happened the last time I saw Ito before getting committed.
“He left while my mom was still pregnant, ran when he heard the news of it.” I tell him and again it silences him. “How old were the first time you bottomed?” I ask him thinking on the fact that he wasn’t bottoming when he lost his virginity yet the fact that he has done both doesn’t really surprise me because he obviously likes topping if he has been with girls. Yet at the same time I wonder why the only questions I can think to ask him are sexual but the questions he keeps asking me are making me nervous so it’s only fair that I should make him nervous as well even if it is in a different way.
“Sixteen and I was seventeen when I was first with a girl before you even ask.” He tells me and I smile because I was going to ask that as well. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?” He asks me turning the tables.
“Fifteen, I’ve never been with a girl and the only times I’ve bottomed I was forced.” I tell him honestly and I’m pretty sure that he won’t ask further about my own bottoming. Yet as he pulls me onto his lap to actually face him rather then be at his side I am proven wrong.
“You don’t have to answer my next question if you don’t want to okay, but did you ever want to bottom?” He asks me and I know that I have and about doing that with him in fact.
I start to nod to him but I stop myself no longer feeling as interested with the conversation at hand even though I brought it all up to begin with. “I’d rather not answer.” I tell him and still he smiles and doesn’t push it yet I wonder if he saw me start to nod or if he thinks me not wanting to answer means I have. I don’t bother correcting what ever he assumes. With my answer I just lean into his body no longer looking him in the eyes but still enjoying how close we are regardless of my words that we shouldn’t be together. I bite my lip thinking on Ito’s words about not caring that we shouldn’t date and that he wants to actually take me out on a date. I don’t stop myself from speaking my mind. “Ito?”
“Yeah?” He asks me after a few minutes of silence and I figure he must have got that I was waiting for him to answer.
“I would like for you to take me to dinner.” I tell him and I knowing he is smiling at me telling him that. His arms wrap around me tighter and he pulls my head up by the chin making me look into his eyes past his smiling face.
“Tonight or tomorrow?” He asks me and I smile at him thinking about the question.
“Tonight.” I tell him and with my answer he very lightly kisses my lips. I kiss him back softly neither of us using more than lips. “I’m still not dating you.” I tell him as I pull back from kissing him and Ito just smiles at me.
“You never were.” He says and I know that that is true. I just smile in response and slide off of his lap. “When do you want to go?” He asks me and I know it’s already around four-o-clock.
“Let’s leave in about half an hour alright?” I tell him and he smiles at me. He gets off of the couch and then looks at me leaning down so his face is still by mine.
“Alright, I’m going to change k.” He tells me and with one last kiss to my cheek he goes off to his room. I stay on the couch thinking about the fact that he better be taking me somewhere sort of causal because I don’t have clothes for anything else that would actually fit me. He knows that fact though so I hope he will keep it in mind. I sit backwards on the couch facing Ito’s room and hearing Ito move around.
The way Ito is dressed when he walks out of his room though clues me in that I should be just fine. He is wearing skintight black jeans and a tight light blue shirt. There are rubber bracelets around his wrists again and a shark’s tooth necklace around his neck. His hair is a bit more messed up but it almost looks as if that’s on purpose and it fits with how he looks. I get up off the couch and walk over to him. “You look nice.” I tell him and he smiles at me.
“Thanks. Come on lets go.” He tells me grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the house to his car.